When thngs happen that you can't control

When people in your life take steps to mess with your life in ways that you can't do anything about what do you do? do you mess with them right back or do you just let it  be? When the people that you thought that would always be there for you stab you in the back, do you stab them back? When someone lets your secrets out for the world to see, do you let theirs out too? What justifies what is right and what is wrong when you are so hurt you can't even see straight? Is it the feelings that you have in the moment towards that person? When someone messes with you in such a way that is so unjustified and so wrong, something that could really affect your whole future and who you are as a person, what do you do?
I believe that when you get mad at someone, that is okay. They hurt you or did something that you don't agree with. It is perfectly okay to be mad and to let them know. But it is never okay to go messing with their lives in a way that could really do some damage. To purposely rip apart a marriage or to try and take someones kids from them, to make someone loose everything they have. That is never justified, be mad, yell, scream, never talk to them again, all of those are okay but never mess with someones life and family. It's all they have and when they have nothing they have nothing left to loose.

Beyond Scared Safe: Life After Fire Part 2

After the fire our lives changed dramatically. Things that we never even gave a second thought to suddenly became the most important things ever. Candles only get burned in open areas, sitting in a plate of water. Smoke detectors in every room, tested monthly. I don't want to live in a house without central heat because space heaters scare me. Gas stoves make me nervous, and when we barbeque the hose is out and the fire is COMPLETELY extinguished before we go in. I am talking you could stick your hand in the middle of it and not feel any warmth, no hot not even warm coals left, before we walk away. Even though the fire that took my dream house from me was deemed due to faulty electrical wiring, anything that has the slightest potential to start a fire scares me. Cigarettes get put out in water, and lighters are kept up high away from the reach of any little hands. I wont allow a match in the house and the gas can is kept outside away from the house. It is amazing how something like that changes everything you do in life so quickly without you even having to put any thought into it. How things you never cared about before are the most important thing. When we were looking for a new house to rent after the fire, all I could ask about was gas or electric? Is everything up to code? Was there ever a fire here before? I have relaxed some since then, house hunting is easier and not as scary but I will never be the same as I was before, none of us will be.

Beyond Scared Safe: Life After Fire Part 1

"Do you smell that?"
"Yeah, I do. What is it?"
"I don't know, probably something outside. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy."
I went back to sewing doggy sweaters and my husband went back to playing video games.
"Do you think we should put the little monster to bed?"
"No, he isn't acting all that tired yet, lets wait a little closer to nine baby."
"There's that smell again. Is there a window open?"
"No the heat is on."
It was just a normal night at our house. We were all enjoying the time in each others company, winding down after a long day. Then our whole world went up in flames, literally. The flames broke through the ceiling next to the chimney, right above the playpen that our son was playing in.
"Get Aidan and get next door now!"
It was February first, not even nine pm. The temperature outside was maybe 20 degrees, there was a good two inches on snow on the ground, and here I am running across a field, a 14 month old in my arms, no shoes on my feet, no sweater or jacket, no blanket to wrap the baby in, just a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. My husband back at the house doing everything he can to keep the fire under control until the fire department got there. 20 minutes after the 911 call was made the first of six fire trucks finally arrived. Our lives would never be the same again.

Instant Gratification- Is it worth it?

When someone hurts you, we all want to hurt them back. We want to make them feel how we felt at that moment in time when they hurt us. We want to send a message saying if you hurt me I will hurt you back just as much. But is it really worth it? Sometimes instant gratification is something small, you punch me, I am going to punch you back. Other times it's bigger, you mess with my life I am going to mess with yours. In the moment it is not about being the bigger person , it is about making yourself feel better and them feel worse. When these times come, when it really hurts and all you want to do is hurt them too, sometimes the best thing you can do is take a second and take a step back to look at what you want to do. Ask yourself these questions; Am i only hurting the person that I want to? Is what I want to do legal? Will I really have long term satisfaction or will I feel bad about it later? Often you will find the answer to one or more of these questions will not be good for you. Sometimes the best action, and the best revenge is to sit and continue to live your life, Leave them wondering what is going to happen, and do nothing.

Family and what it should be

What is family? Is it a mother, father, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, or any combination of those? Or is there a way that you can choose your family? I believe that family should be something true and connected. To be true you have got to be there for them no matter what. No matter what they believe or their personal life choices. Family is an important part of life. When you start out life, family is those that are there for you taking care of you and guiding you as you grow. Later in life you get some choice, who your husband/wife is, and from that comes an extended family. But what happens when your family does you wrong and stabs you in the back? Do you get a choice then? I believe that family goes deeper than blood, deeper than who raised you and took care of you. Deeper than who guided you through your adolescent years. As I said family is about being there and being true. Family shouldn't abandon you in a time of need. No, I take that back, family wont abandon you in your time of need. True family isn't all blood ties, for some people that does play a strong role, but it's not all that it is about. Family is something more. Most of us have friends who we call brothers and sisters, and those people have done something for us in a time of need that proved their loyalty and their right to have that title. When blood isn't enough there are always other forms of family. This is where you get to choose. You will have friends that become aunts and uncles to your children, paternal figures that aren't necessarily related but will become grandma/grandpa to your children in some form, people in your life that you wish you were related to by blood but your not. As children when we find these people we often prick our fingers and become blood brothers/sisters that way, but later in life you realize you don't need that. All you need is to know that they are there and always will be no matter what choice you make, even if they don't quite agree, or where you go, even thousands of miles away. That is what real family is, not fake, not backstabbing, Always with your best interest in mind. That is real family.